I have never been one for conspiracy theories. All my paranoias are based in fact. But as the ravages of winter chew their way through my car my mind turns to what I believe could be the most insidious deception since the extended warranty.

So here it is. I have become convinced that the governments of Ontario, municipal and provincial, are in cahoots with the automobile manufacturers to destroy our vehicles. It is a concerted effort to speed up the natural disintegration process. If you think about it all it makes perfect sense and it is cunningly simple, in an enormously convoluted and abstract way.

The process goes something like this: a car company (let’s give it a factious name like General Malevolence) needs to make money, so General Malevolence builds a car and sells it to you. Once the car is bought and paid for, the car company no…

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